This week I have been tired. So very tired. I have been physically tired, mentally tired, and emotionally tired. I've been working really hard towards a few goals I have for the next few months and that has meant 20 hours days split between being a mom and three jobs. Don't feel bad for me - I choose this path for the time being and I'm not doing it alone. There are many women who do much more with a lot less support and out of necessity.
But all this work has left me falling asleep before my head even touches the pillow and then waking up to my alarm going off but feeling like it's only been a few minutes. My eyes are red. My head and feet ache. My yard and garden have been neglected.
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{But I brushed my hair twice this week, which is a big deal so #winning!}
Today as I put extra strength eye drops in my scratchy eyes and walked around only being able to half-see, I thought, is this worth it?
And a statement immediately rushed into my head that gave me peace and hasn't left me since: It's worth it, but only if you're doing it for them.
Them: my precious kiddos and my ever-supportive husband.
Because what I'm working towards will hopefully lead us all to more opportunities and more freedom and more time together.
Even though I'm tired, this busy-crazy-go-go-go schedule I've been keeping up the last few weeks has reinforced some things for me. It has reinforced that the only way working this crazy hard for something is worth it, is if your doing it for someone besides yourself. The only way it is worth it is if it adds to what is most important to you.
It has also reinforced that time with my family is my most precious commodity. And the only way I am giving that up is if the payoff is big enough and I make the time we are spending together now really count.
Before I had kids, I decided that I wanted to be a Yes Mom. A mom that was annoyingly supportive of whatever my kids wanted to do {Fencing? Sure! Chess club? You bet! Rock collecting? Absolutely!}. A mom that didn't just rattle off a rushed "No!" because she was feeling tired or lazy or didn't take the time to listen. The mom that asked herself, "why not?" and took the time to explain something if the answer needed to be no.
Most of the time being a Yes Mom comes easy. But days like today, where I'm teetering on the edge of exhaustion, all I pray for when I start my day is the ability to remember The Why. If I can remember that, the tiredness seeps away and saying yes to things I feel too tired to do is possible.
I was feeling frustrated about this situation a couple of weeks ago, but as time has progressed I've started to feel grateful for the perspective it's given me and the possibilities it's opening up. This is not a sustainable pace, but the lessons I've learned from it are sustainable.
And you can do anything for a few months, right? Just say yes. HA!
Esther Thurman
You have one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. Love, cherish, take a breath and you'll be fine.
Alli
Thank you so much Esther! ❤️